Making friends as an adult is no joke. Of all the things I took for granted as a child and didn’t appreciate, the ability to easily make friends and plans is one of the ones I miss the most as an adult.
Acquaintances are easy, people you see in passing, at work, at church, at social events. People you laugh and chat with whenever you happen to find yourselves in each other’s company, and maybe connect a small bit on social media.
Close friends, deep friends, “best” friends are a much more difficult thing to develop. As a kid, it seems friends just fall in your lap. Your parents take you to events, you go to school or attend church and it seems there are potential friendships everywhere. You find someone is fun to talk to, and don’t hesitate to ask “wanna come to my house on Saturday?”
All of a sudden, adulthood seems to strip away all of that confidence and assurance, leaving behind self-consciousness and questions. “Do they really like me, or am I just being tolerated?” “What if they’re busy when I try to call, and get upset?”
In my head, I know these questions are mostly just paranoid delusions dreamed up by my own insecurities, but my heart still wonders, still fears. Sometimes, I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need nobody. But eventually, that breaks down and behind the strong façade is a person just looking for other people.
Maybe even just one person.
That girl friend who you can call whenever and have a long chat about anything. The person you can have over to your house and not worry they’re judging the clutter or last night’s dishes. That person you can get deep with, can confide in, can lean on.
It seems so much harder to make those kinds of friendships in adulthood. Perhaps some of it is my own expectations, wanting a relationship to just appear with no work necessary. Perhaps I’ve had silly requirements for too long, wanting only the kind of person who agreed with me on most issues and I had an instant connection with.
Nevertheless, I know that if there is work involved, it is worth it, much the same that the work in my marriage is worth it. I don’t want my insecurities to become the deciding factor in seeking friendships.
If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t get hurt… but you also can’t be loved, either.
I really liked this article. I too have felt some of the same insecurities that you have. It can definitely be difficult to build those relationships, but like you mentioned you just have to put yourself out there.